How to Defy the Early Death of an Unused Life

How to Defy the Early Death of an Unused Life is a topic that requires more than a blog post to cover and has been detailed in many books. The information below is an opener to a much larger discussion. Take it as a “girlfriend’s guide” on how to begin anew, on how to live with intention rather than mild consideration.

The poet Johann Wolfgang von Goethe once said, “The unused life is an early death.” Centuries later, the sentiment still rings true, but you may ask yourself, What is  an Unused Life?

The Unused Life is the opposite of living with intention.

It’s going through the motions rather than actually living. The Unused Life doesn’t remember what it’s done with itself for the past 5, 10, 15+ years.

If this resonates with you, staring at the blank page of your life thus far can be difficult to confront, much less overcome. But if you’re finally done with the Unused Life and are ready to live the life you’ve always dreamed of, it’s a good idea to understand how you got here in the first place so you can break free from the habits that once held you back.

Let’s break it down. Let us define the Unused Life, recognize, accept it, and then defy it.

Why?

Because that’s how you tap into a life full of passion and wonder, one in which all your dreams come true.

For me, living a life of passion and wonder includes becoming a published author—recently accomplished with the release of The Happy Muse: How to Combat Creative Blocks and Tap Into A Limitless Supply of Artistic Inspiration—and expanding that love of books into new chapters of creativity, community, and connection.

But for you, it could mean anything…whatever your heart desires. So, let’s get to it.

Define the Unused Life

The proper definition of unused  is “not habituated, not used, idle.” Ergo, an Unused Life is an idle life, not in use, not habituated. It’s disheartening, isn’t it, to not accommodate yourself within your own life.

How could you not make a habit of your own life? Not the actual physicality of it—our hearts are beating, after all—but the living of it.

Unfortunately, it’s fairly easy to do. You see, the Unused Life creeps up on you. It weasels its way in with Responsibility and then takes years to mature.

Meanwhile, Responsibility comes at you like a charging bull, and you survive by grabbing its horns and never letting go. You lose focus, and there’s barely a moment to notice when you let the weasel in.

It starts innocently enough: shortly after high school, life just…happens, and you love it or you don’t. You get caught up in the fervor—good or bad, better or worse—and somewhere along the way, the fervor begins to control you, instead of the other way around.

Somewhere along the way, you let go of the reins of your life. But more importantly, you forget to ask who’s holding onto them.

Recognize the Unused Life

• An Unused Life chugs along without meaning or purpose
• An Unused Life tends to what is required—all the time—hardly allowing for peace or joy
• An Unused Life is chock full of doing, devoid of thought or regard
• An Unused Life is paradoxical—it may appear large and carefree, but it feels confined and burdensome

Before we continue, let us be clear, this is by no means a pity party. This is not regret.

We do what we have to do when we have to do it, and that’s not a bad thing. Own it and pat yourself on the back for getting this far.

You’re caring, giving, loving, and strong. A true Warrior Spirit, but to start “using” your life—aka living— you’ve got to give back to yourself what you blindingly dote on others.

I understand wholeheartedly how easy it is to get caught in the snare of obligation. It’s practically revered in our culture because it bears “fruit” (holographic though they may be), complete with a white picket fence, a two-car garage, and 2.5 children.

But life is to be lived, not administered.

Perhaps you wanted to live on the River Seine for a year, instead, you cultivated a beautiful marriage and family, or your career is spot-on, or you’re enjoying a happy mix of these, or the complete opposite, which is all well and good. And yet, you feel a little lost, as if you’ve had your head in the sand for a good long while and don’t have a clue about anything anymore.

Maybe you look in the mirror and can’t recognize yourself, or you’ve become apathetic and passive when you yearn to be curious and vibrant.

• Do you complete a million tasks, but at the end of the day can’t account for any of them?
• Do you mindlessly exclaim, “Oh, no, I couldn’t,” without a moment’s thought to whether you truly want to and possibly could?
• Are you reactionary rather than reckoning?

These are just a few minor examples of an Unused Life, and don’t berate yourself if you’ve answered yes to any of these. It happens to all of us, myself included.

Acceptance

As I said before, there’s no room for regret, and there’s no looking back. What is done (or not done) is in the past, over with, but hope for the future is never lost.

The you that was you, is still you, and it’s going to be so much fun to unfold and reveal yourself to yourself. It’s going to be so much fun to unravel, unlearn, un-become, and let your light shine through.

It’s high time you reclaim the reins of your life from whomever and say, “Thanks for all your help, but I’m good now. I’ve got this.”

You’ve likely had hopes and dreams, feelings and reflections, and maybe it’s been years since you “used” any of them. Maybe you allowed yourself to disappear within the mist of thoughtless action, but who cares?

That was yesterday.

You took care of everything and everyone, and you did your best. Today, you get to show yourself some grace, cut yourself some slack.

Besides, the ‘woe is me’ attitude is—dare I say—decadent, and it wastes time. All that matters is that you’re aware right here, right now that you want to change things up, and that today is the first day of the rest of your life.

Starting anew can be exciting. Accept the past, accept yourself, and embrace what is to come.

Defy the Unused Life

So, how do you defy the Unused Life? How do you switch from not using your life, per se, to living with intention?

Step One: Awareness and Acceptance

Although mentioned above, awareness and acceptance bear reminding because of their importance. You simply cannot change anything about yourself, your circumstances, or your surroundings if you’re not honest with yourself about how you feel today.

You start by looking at yourself in the proverbial mirror, identifying and owning the part you played in your circumstances, and the parts out of your control. Take a moment to fully comprehend those attributes, accept them as they are—with no emotional strings—and fully embody the need for change.

Then, declare out loud that you’re ready to grow, to expand into your own existence, and to live a life full of passion and wonder.

However, there is one important aspect to keep in mind…

Step Two: Approach

Once you’re honest with yourself that you’re ready to be the best version of yourself, you have to do so with a smile. Love yourself through it, darling.

You can’t grow into emotional well-being from a place of negativity and admonishment. And you can’t do it without love. It simply won’t happen, and this is one of the keys to living with intention.

When you approach everything in life with love, care, and purpose, you’re intentionally working in your own best interest. You make a conscious thought to act, yes, but you’re choosing to find happiness in the process.

It’s a basic attitude adjustment.

This simple modification can be applied to both mundane and exciting endeavors. For instance, I listen to loud music and sing when I clean the house. And I have fun. There may even be dancing involved.

The point is, I choose to make the task as enjoyable as possible. I elect to revel instead of distress by focusing on the desired outcome and aligning my actions with that intention. I sometimes even look forward to cleaning my house because it’s an opportunity to move my body, jam out to my favorite tunes, and walk away with a clean, crisp home.

Algebra rules the world, baby:

A (positive outlook) + B (chore gets done) = C (I’m happy)

Smiling and having a positive outlook instantly makes you feel lighter, freer, and happier. Give it a try—smile right now!

You might laugh at yourself because it feels weird to smile for no apparent reason, but you’ll notice you feel less tense, softer, malleable. This sets the stage for whatever comes next, including the less desirable tasks on your to-do list.

With a welcoming spirit, you can move mountains, because when you change your attitude, you change your perspective, and you change your life.

Step Three: Start Today

What does it mean to start today? It doesn’t mean moving to that houseboat on the River Seine. Those were the dreams of your youth, the dreams of the past, and today, you might have other dreams.

I’m not who I was at 18, 28, or 38, and I’m happy about that because it’s proof that I’ve evolved, matured, grown, and expanded my universe.

Starting today doesn’t mean you pick up where you were at eighteen, erasing all the positive things you’ve accomplished and experienced thus far.

It means you start today, where you are today.

You bloom where you are planted.

Step 4: Take Action

This is the fun part! Defying the Unused Life is accomplished by finding purpose again, by tapping into what makes you happy, what sparks your interest, and what you’re passionate about.

You discover your purpose by reconnecting with your soul, which has always been there waiting for you, and from that moment forward, you live with intention.

You reconnect with your soul and find joy by directing the energy of your warrior spirit inward. The care, love, generosity, and strength you give to others, you now lovingly bestow upon yourself.

Why?

• Because you are your first advocate…
• Because you are responsible for your happiness…
• And because you deserve it…and you know it.

Ultimate self-care tip: Allow yourself to love yourself the way you love others.

This act of defying the Unused Life—reconnecting with your soul and reclaiming your joy—is what my book, The Happy Muse, is all about…living life creatively with a constant stream of inspiration, whether you translate that into a creative medium of your choice, or if nothing more than to live happier and more fulfilled.

Starting Out

You’re probably asking yourself: this is great in theory, but how do I possibly start?

I agree, it’s daunting at first to live, act, and behave differently—without the security blankets we’ve stitched together over the years. But it’s only so because the territory is unfamiliar. And, like any new venture, it gets easier with practice.

The key to making this shift is to start small and reconnect with your essence. You do that by getting reacquainted with yourself. Settle down with a cup of tea and ask yourself,

• What do I like to do?
• Where would I like to go?
• What would I like to try?

It doesn’t have to be grandiose. Life is simple; we humans complicate things.

And then there’s guilt, which adds to the complexity, and we’re all masters at it. You’re almost ashamed to feel lost or to admit that something is missing in your life. It’s as if you’re spitting in the face of your blessings. But you’re not, so don’t self-flagellate with shame. Acknowledge that you’re equally as important as those you love and care for.

Remember, you bolster your abilities as a caregiver when you are cared for. Therefore, by taking care of yourself, you pay your blessing forward and everyone wins.

Ask More Questions and Go Slow

• Do you want to read more
• Exercise
• Paint
• Take a class
• Travel
• Make new friends
• Take up a sport

While you ask yourself these questions, don’t worry about the current state of affairs. Today, you luxuriate in rumination.

An idea might have already come to mind: that thing that you’ve been putting off for when the time is right, and yet, the time never feels right.

Well, my friend, the time is now.

And if nothing comes to mind, don’t worry about it. Don’t search for answers just yet. Instead, sit with the pleasure of knowing that today you decided to take action.

Integrate this comfy feeling of love, hope, joy, and aspiration. There are so many wonderful opportunities awaiting you.

Romance the thrilling expectation of it all, and allow yourself time to marinate with promise.

In the meantime, the following are several “marinating” activities you can do to get your creative juices flowing:

• Meditation and prayer
• Adult coloring books
• Nature walks – around the block is just fine!
• Caring for animals
• Visit a museum
• Listen to soft music
• Sleep – proper sleep works wonders
• Change one aspect of your daily routine – go left instead of right next time
• Rearrange furniture
• Sit quietly and just relax, ease your pent-up shoulders…settle

Any of these activities will help you break free from your usual routine, step outside of yourself, and observe. When you do, your conscious mind naturally shifts toward awareness, because it no longer rests comfortably in the familiar.

These activities force you to relax and be silent…and now a word about silence.

Silence is golden.

While silence is soothing for some, and distracting for others, it is also divine. The answers you seek lie in the quiet. Magic and wonder await you within the Silence.

A mere five minutes of quiet can change your life in dramatic ways.

Wrap up

I’ve provided the beginning steps to defy the early death of an Unused Life. None of them are complicated, but all of them do ask something very real of you: courage, honesty, and a willingness to begin again, to do what it takes, to care.

Think of this not as a checklist to “get through”, but as a gentle invitation to step into the life that has been there waiting for you all along. Before we close, remember…

• You live with purpose by making conscious thoughts to seek joy every day
• You operate within a framework of love and positivity
• This cultivates passion and wonder, which manifests as a life full of promise
• In this new space, you live, love, and grow every day.

The choice is yours, and the moment is now.